


Awakening

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi [17]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Culture Shock, F/M, Finn Needs A Hug, Finn-centric, Gen, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Phasma Is Not Nice, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, character death is han solo, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 07:30:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11481582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Finn still isn't used to being out of the First Order.





	Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Culture Shock
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

 Once he actually wakes up, he has to admit that the Resistance is much different than the First Order.

His earliest memories have been of the First Order, of Phasma, of too-clean metal and cold. And his memories after that have been of training under Phasma, trained to do one thing: kill for the First Order. There was a certain element of comradeship in the First Order, but never anything like this.

Not like Rose Tico, and her kindnesses, or Poe treating him like an actual sentient being. Not like meeting with Rey, who he swears that he's starting to develop some feelings for. There is something about her that even from the beginning, he just knew that she was special. Strong, resourceful, brave, kind. She was something, she truly was.

And even though they're hyperspace routes apart, Finn can swear that she's in the same room with him. Just talking. Talking about her nightmares, talking about her training with Luke, talking about just about anything, actually.

They're not in the same room. Not by a long shot. But they're close enough.

And that's something that Finn can't say that he's used to -- being surrounded by beings who care about him. This...this is new, this is strange --

"Are you okay?"

Rose's voice, jolting Finn out of his thoughts.

"Yeah," he says. "I'm just...trying to get used to all this."

"You mean you've never experienced something like this?" Rose says.

Finn thinks about it. In truth, he can't say that he has. There was a degree of camaraderie between the stormtroopers, but in terms of people actually caring about whether he died or lived...not really. He couldn't say that Phasma, for example, really cared about whether he lived or died.

"Not really," he says.

Rose's horror is palpable. And that's something that Finn definitely can't say that he's used to. People caring about what he's been through. Back in the First Order, things like that were just accepted as normal. Back in the First Order, things like that were just the way of life. You were trained to kill, no more, no less. Trained to terrorize. He doesn't think it's a stretch that someone did it to Phasma at one point, and judging from what he got from the bridge incident (he still grieves for Han Solo. He and Rey didn't know him as long as others did, but Han was very much like the father they both never had), someone probably did it to Kylo Ren to some degree.

The scar on his back twinges as if to remind him of his failure in the forest. Rey apparently defeated Kylo Ren after Finn was tortured into unconsciousness, and part of her scarring Ren was because of what he did to Han and Finn, she told him.

"I still haven't forgiven him for what he did to you," she says. "Or Han."

And Finn can understand.

Rose's voice jolts him back into the present. "The First Order are monsters," she says.

"Yeah. I know." The stormtroopers Finn doesn't feel that way about -- after all, for all that they've done, they're victims as much as anyone. Finn still has nightmares, admittedly, about having to kill his comrades. Poe's reassured him that he's not a monster, that he's not innocent either considering how he killed Slip and basically destroyed a planet -- but the ones higher up, beings like Snoke...they are monsters, without a doubt. Phasma and Ren too, though they're also likely victims in their own right. And Hux is definitely a monster.

"How could they do that to you?"

Finn takes a deep breath. This is going to take a while to explain to Rose. He can only hope that he can explain everything about him, about his life, about everything, actually. And as he starts the story, he can only hope that he can save the other stormtrooper children that have been kidnapped. They deserve that much.

When he can, he will.

And that...that's a promise.

 

 

 

 


End file.
